P.J. STAFFORD
I am Tammy Jean (Stafford) Bellflower, the biological daughter of P.J. “Pete” Stafford (1932–2012). Although my name and my half-sister Frieta’s name were not included in the printed obituary, I want to make it clear that neither of us was ever disowned.
My brother, Timmy Lee Stafford (1966–2004), and I were raised by our father's parents. He would have wanted both Frieta and me to be acknowledged in our father’s and stepmother’s obituaries. Without a doubt, both our father and stepmother loved us and would have wanted us to be included.
I began tagging myself (perhaps a little too often, haha) in genealogy sites and family photos because I had felt like there was an effort to erase Frieta and me from the Stafford line (This situation is also reflected in Pete and Brenda's original printed obituaries). Sharing our presence and memories is one way I can preserve our rightful place in this family’s story.
A Tidbit
Despite our father's struggles with alcoholism and drug use, which ultimately led to the abandonment of three of his children (Timmy, Frieta, and me)... I don’t see that as evidence of a lack of love. When he was sober, my father was gentle, thoughtful, and emotionally present. He made sure to tell us that we were loved.
Of course, addiction doesn’t just vanish. During his darker periods, he could be selfish, angry, and quick-tempered. But something changed when he entered his late 50s. He became sober and started living with more peace and maturity.
If it wasn’t one obstacle, it was another that always seemed to stand in the way of building a strong and consistent father–child relationship. Still, I know he loved us. I hold on to that.
In the final years of my father’s life, I was distanced from both him and my stepmother. That separation wasn’t something I wanted. I just didn’t feel like I would be allowed to show up in their lives peacefully or productively. Rather than risk more conflict, I took the high road and stayed silent.
After their passing, I tried to accept that someone else had taken control of their legacy... someone who chose to leave out both Frieta and me from their obituaries. For the record, neither of us ever asked to be excluded, nor did we suggest it to anyone involved. It simply happened.
I believe it’s important for people writing obituaries or preserving family history to understand how lasting those choices are. These documents become part of public memory. They matter... not just to those who were left out, but to future generations who are trying to understand where they come from.
A Note About Brenda Joyce Stafford (1946–2019)
Brenda Joyce Stafford was born on August 28, 1946, in Jackson, Tennessee, to Averette Edwin Stafford and Hazel Lee (Smallwood) Stafford of Gainesboro in Jackson County.
Brenda married my father, P.J. “Pete” Stafford, on September 27, 1968. She was his first cousin, and they had one child. She passed away on April 7, 2019, at the age of 72 in Old Hickory, Tennessee. Brenda is buried at Pharris Cemetery in Gainesboro.
She came from a large family that included several siblings: Mabel Irene, Alberta Faye, Eddie Lewis, and William Ralph Stafford.
A detail known within the family is that Brenda’s sister, Faye (28 at the time), and my brother Timmy (16 at the time) were once involved in a romantic relationship when Timmy was a teenager. The relationship lasted around two years and began when he moved into the home of Faye and her husband, Donald Ray Reeves, as a temporary place to stay.
Brenda’s father, Averette, was the brother of my grandfather, Van Dow Stafford. That made her both my stepmother and my first cousin once removed.
Brenda had three stepchildren: Frieta (from Pete’s first marriage to Edith Evelyn Dillard), and both Timmy and I (from Pete’s second marriage to my mother, Doris Ann Tidwell). Sadly, Frieta and I were not included in Brenda’s obituary notice. But, I want it known here: Brenda was always kind and loving to us. She always sent cards and sometimes, when she could, gifts for birthdays and holidays. She encouraged our father to be involved in our lives. I never once believed she intentionally left us out of his obituary. It has upset me over the years that many have assumed that she did. I want everyone to know that she never had a mean or spiteful bone in her body. She was a lovely, kind, and mature lady.
My Father's Family Line
Parents: Van Dow Stafford (1907–1992) and Ethel (Biggs) Stafford (1909–1983)
Maternal Grandparents: Woody C. Biggs (1884–1974) and Cora Liza (Rush) (1891–1964)
Paternal Grandparents: William Riley Stafford (1881–1955) and Celina Avo (Stafford) (1885–1982)
Rhoda Mae (Stafford) Williams (1928–2013)
Jean (Stafford) Ashley (1931–2005)
P.J. "Pete" Stafford (1932–2012)
Lucille (Stafford) Stanley (1944–2013)
Photo location: My Aunt Jean’s home in Opelika, Alabama.
Aunt Rhoda was living in Pleasant View, Tennessee. My father, Pete, was living in Old Hickory, Tennessee. Aunt Lucille was residing in Joelton, Tennessee.
Photo uploaded by Tammy Stafford-Bellflower of Opelika, Alabama.
His children from his second marriage to Doris Ann (Tidwell):
Tammy Stafford-Bellflower and Timmy Lee Stafford (1966–2004)
Photo location: Opelika, Alabama, at my Aunt Jean’s home.
Timmy and I were both living in the same city at the time, along with our own families. Aunt Jean’s twin daughters had homes of their own on her property.
Photo uploaded by Tammy Stafford-Bellflower
Elbert Lee Stafford (1933–2022), standing
Lorenzo Dow Stafford Sr. (1858–1940), seated
P.J. "Pete" Stafford (1932–2012), standing
Back row, left to right:
Rhoda Mae (Stafford) Williams (1928–2013)
Vilvie (Stafford) Elkins (1913–1986)
Jean (Stafford) Ashley (1931–2005)
Rhoda, Pete, and Jean were the children of Van Dow Stafford and Ethel (Biggs) Stafford.
Elbert was the son of Frank Tensley Stafford and Willie Flossy (Biggs) Stafford. Vilvie was the daughter of William Riley Stafford and Celina Avo (Stafford) Stafford. Lorenzo was the father of William Riley Stafford.
Photo uploaded by Tammy Stafford-Bellflower
Van Dow Stafford (1907–1992)
Ethel (Biggs) Stafford (1909–1983)
P.J. "Pete" Stafford (1932–2012)
The Stafford family has deep roots in Jackson County, Tennessee, particularly in the Gainesboro area.
Photo uploaded by the daughter of Pete Stafford, Tammy Jean (Stafford) Bellflower